A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their level of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is really a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and then for others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable section of life’s journey. In a spirituality where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Numerous regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. I once did a chat inside a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have already been healed. There was a songwriter inside the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding this negativity, you can consciously choose to behave differently. Let’s look at it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you are capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or maybe your partner?
Remember that you don’t need to be physically or perhaps verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For example, you are going to become withdrawn and important throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, you will want to strike in the event the iron is cold? Let yourself relax and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you are ready and are able to clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any kind means that you might be identified with all the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t start to see the other human being anymore, but only your own thought of that human being. To reduce the aliveness of someone else human being into a concept is definitely a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing happen to be on a sailboat inside the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the lifetime of life. It doesn’t matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors understand that sometimes a good thing you can do-or the thing you can do-is to simply ride out the storm. Let the feelings blow through you and after that pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you already know, determined by fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you realized that it’s better to stay afloat whenever you relax your system instead of whenever you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown within their drama either. Stay grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride out the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I will hang on and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and much better analyze the storm, and to determine what caused it. You can also get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you survive? How may you choose this transition easier in the future?
Make use of the storm just as one chance to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Especially, remember that storms certainly are a section of life, however you possess the power to navigate your path through them. You will always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles do not block the path; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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