A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their a higher level “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier levels of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable part of life’s journey. Inside a insomnia where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural we won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine this type of instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness is the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. I remember when i did a talk in a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following bone fractures happen to be healed. There was a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of keeping this negativity, you can consciously choose to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you were capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t should be physically or even verbally abusive to become violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you’ll become withdrawn and significant during an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. Another person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, you will want to strike once the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool-down and funky off, and share your feelings and thoughts if you are ready and so are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort implies that you are identified with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t understand the other person anymore, but only your own personal thought of that person. To reduce the aliveness of some other person with a concept is already a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you are on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves is the course of life. Regardless how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes a very important thing you can do-or the thing you can do-is to easily ride the storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you and after that pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you know, depending on fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s much easier to stay afloat when you relax the body as opposed to when you tense up and panic in the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown of their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now Let me wait and survive.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and analyze the storm, and also to determine what caused it. You can even find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance did you notice?
What helped you survive? How may you make this transition easier down the road?
Utilize the storm just as one possiblity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms certainly are a part of life, however you have the capability to navigate on your path through them. You’ll always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the trail; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Alter your Story, Alter your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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